Can we just take a deep breath and accept and feel safe with the fact that there is no competition? Someone else’s success has no bearing on our success, our story, or what is possible for us. No one is stealing our opportunities, possibilities, our money, clients, thoughts, or experiences. Woohoo! We are not in competition with anyone!

This isn’t a Chiefs versus Eagles game. This is your life. This isn’t a sports game or the Hunger Games. Taylor Swift’s engagement to Travis Kelce does not in any way make your chances at love any different or change your current life or relationships. There’s no need for envy or jealousy.

This is you creating your own life. The only competition you are in at any given time is with the previous version of you. Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to be 1% more confident, better, and more knowledgeable than you were yesterday. Move 1% further in your growth.

Your Life Is a Holodeck

I like to think of life as a holodeck. If you’ve ever watched Star Trek, they had a room called the Holodeck where you went into a blank room. It was basically virtual reality; you created what you saw and whatever you wanted to experience.

That is what we are as humans. Our lives are holodecks. We decide what we want to experience, how we interact with people around us, and how we interpret what we see or hear. Our illusion of competition is just that—an illusion. It’s something we create in our minds based on the stories we are telling ourselves.

I think part of our struggle with competition is rooted in the feeling that there isn’t enough. It’s that feeling of lack, as if there isn’t enough money, clients, or ideas to go around. That’s when it becomes a competition. The only time there is competition is when we tell ourselves there is only one.

It’s the feeling like we have to fight for resources. When you see only one opportunity or one option available to you, that’s when you start to feel like everything is a competition.

But, lovelies, that is just your perception! It’s the story you’re telling yourself. The funny thing about it is that you can change the narrative by changing your view of what is really going on.

I see this with new and aspiring business owners. They have a dream of using their skills, knowledge, and gifts to help others, but when they step out and see others succeeding at something similar, they immediately discount their own qualifications. They believe there is not enough to go around and wonder how they could possibly compete.

Your heart and soul, the Universe, and your intuition aren’t asking you to compete. They’re asking you to be you and share your gifts with the world because they are needed.

No one is dropping you into a Hunger Games scenario, telling you to fight to the death to succeed at your dream. No one is telling you that you have to steal someone else’s clients or convince people you are better. That’s just a story you are telling yourself.

Humans Are Meant to Be Unique

Here’s the juxtaposition we find ourselves in as humans: 

On one hand, our nature is to be included, to not stand out, and to belong to the crowd. We want to fit in with the pack so that we are safe and protected from enemies and danger. We don’t want to do or be anything that will make us appear weak or vulnerable. It feels safer to fit in and not give anyone the opportunity to point out differences that would make us appear unwelcome or different from the group.

It’s why in school we wanted to have the latest fashions and to like the things others liked. We didn’t want to appear too talented, or too smart, or anything that would set us apart. We watched what others did and agreed to liking what others liked even if we didn’t. We wanted to appear cool, smart, and admired as a leader.

When I was in Florida with my niece and nephew, my nephew kept asking if he looked cool because that is what the other first graders were doing in school.

If you had the “wrong haircut” or the “wrong jeans,” or wore braces or glasses, it made us feel like we would not make it in the world. It made us feel like it diminished our value and worth in the eyes of society. I am generalizing and exaggerating to an extent , but what I am getting at is that we wanted to be included—like other people.

But, on the other hand, as humans, we are naturally not like other people. And that is a good thing!

We are a combination of DNA from two different people with different family and generational backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultural backgrounds. We each have our own unique personalities and perceptions of things around us. The way we see the world is based on our life experiences and the combination of different people and situations we’ve been in.

We all like different things—some love cold weather, while others prefer the beach. Some like music, while others like quiet. Some like plain Hanes white T-shirts, while others like the latest Fendi dress.

Could you imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have diverse tastes? If all houses were cookie-cutter? If we all wore Hanes white T-shirts and Levi’s jeans and Converse sneakers? If we all drove Toyota Corollas? If we all just ate chicken, mashed potatoes, and peas for dinner every night? If we all had the same skills and the same thoughts? How would the world function? How interesting would that be? If that were the case, no one would be a fashion designer, architect, or interior designer. No one would be a chef, and there would be no restaurants. What would we do if we were all the same?

We as humans are meant to be unique. We are meant to stand out and have creative minds to offer different skills and gifts.

Each of our journeys is unique, and our relationships with different people shape how we experience all other relationships, how we see ourselves, and how we see the world. The experiences we have shape our self-concept and our view of what other experiences we desire to have or not have.

Your Uniqueness Attracts People to You

Our uniqueness attracts us to those who have similar views, experiences, and knowledge. Think about it this way: maybe you love floral art, so you’ll look for artists who create floral art. If you love golden retrievers, you’ll look for a golden retriever rescue to adopt your next dog. If you love contemporary design, you’ll choose interior designers that specialize in that style.

The same goes for your values and interests. You are more likely to be attracted to people based on similar interests. I call these connection points. The more connection points you have, the more you connect.

The people that I meet in my life and in my business are similar to me. We watch similar shows, like similar coffee drinks, read similar books, are more likely to be introverts, may be more liberal, and have a heart for other people and service.

We don’t actually attract people based on how loud we are or how often we post on social media. There are layers and layers of things that connect us. In the world we live in, where it feels like the person with the loudest presence or the most social media reach gets all the attention and the prize, that’s an illusion. They might get eyes on them, but that’s not why people choose to work with or buy from them. They just overcame obscurity.

We are not in competition with one another. Your job is to be you, to share your views, your perspectives, your talents, and your gifts. You are only looking for the people that connect to your style and values and are similar to you. You aren’t for everyone, and neither is anyone else. I’ve never bought a Hanes T-shirt and never will. I don’t buy from or work with the loudest people in the room. I work with people who are quieter, see the world the way I do, and have similar interests.

Competition is just an illusion. You don’t want to just date any guy, or be friends with anyone, or get just any client. You want the ones that feel good for you, and you want people to choose you because you can help them and you make them feel good.

People aren’t asking you to convince them of why they should choose you over someone else. What they want is to see if your skills, talents, personality, charm, perspectives, and style align with what they are looking for at the moment.

Even if you feel like you are doing the same thing as someone else, you really aren’t. Because it’s not about your Instagram posts, one blog post, your latest reel, or your dating profile. It’s about all the other connection points people find with you.

Your Zone of Genius

Here is the trade secret. When you are in your zone of genius, you are doing the thing that lights your soul up and you can’t stop talking about it and sharing all your knowledge.

You are showing people your light and your best self. That is a magnet for people; they want to be around that energy. You are giving people more of you to connect with. Your zone of genius sets you apart from everyone else.

Here is what competition comes down to when it comes to mindset:

It is showing you that you do not yet feel confident with your own voice, your own experiences, and your own qualifications.

It is not showing you that you have to change something.

It is showing you that you have to step into something.

You have to own your unique way. You have to focus on how you are different.

It is also giving you this moment to show you that you have to feel safe being good at something. It is showing you that you need to do some serious inner work on your self-worth and that it is safe to be different, and to have talents and a unique perspective and style.

Your struggle with feeling like you are competing with Jane on Instagram is your inner voice telling you that you don’t yet trust yourself to be enough, to know enough, or to have enough to succeed.

It is telling you that you have a deep desire to be that confident in who you are and what you have to share with this world. After all, that is what you are attracted to when you think you’re in competition with someone.

It’s not what they are doing or saying, it’s their energy. The only way to have what they have is to own what you have.

Using Competition in Your Favor

Here is how you can use the feeling of competition in your favor:

• See it as a trigger and a nudge that you want to grow.

• See it as you wanting to step into your next level of confidence around this area of your life.

• You want to step further in and own your zone of genius.

• See this as a trigger from the Universe, as your sign that you need to work on your own self-worth and confidence so you are no longer bothered by what you deem as competition.

   

I am going to share a vulnerable secret with you.

I have struggled so deeply with comparisonitis and competition.

I would think about who would work with me when they are so much more qualified than I am. I spent years undercutting my skills and playing small, only showing up when I felt what I had to say was powerful or thought-provoking enough. I’d look at other mindset coaches and think, “well, of course they want to work with her, she is so confident. Words just flow out of her like fluffy clouds. And then there is me. I never know what to say”.

I interpreted this as no one wants to work with a mindset coach, even though all these other mindset coaches were fully booked. To make myself feel better, I told myself that I had to be a business coach because that was safer and would be easier to attract clients. There was no evidence to back it up, just my fear that I was less than someone else, that I was missing something, and that the “competition” was greater than me.

Competition is an illusion, something we make up in our heads to keep us safe. It is the animalistic side of us that doesn’t want to be different or seen as less than. We want to feel like we belong so we don’t fail.

So, do you want to banish your comparisonitis and competition thoughts once and for all?

This is about honing your muscles. This is about leaning all the way into your uniqueness instead of being afraid of it. It is about seeing how different you are. It is about leaning all the way into how qualified you are.

The entrepreneurial space would ask you to know your ideal client, what they are looking for, and why they would buy from you. But I don’t like that approach. Most of us attract people that are like us. So instead, start with the question: why would you work with you? Why would you buy from you? I want you to brain dump everything you know about your topic or industry—everything that you could talk about all day.

Just write it all out. Write about your story, how you got into it, what you love about it, books you’ve read, and what your values and style are about. Sink into that knowledge, your skills, and your expertise. Know your own story. Fall in love with you and why you want to bring your gifts to the world.

Then, put the blinders on and unfollow all those people that you feel in competition with. Magically, you’ll stop seeing them as competition. Become your own competition. That’s so much healthier!

Write on a piece of paper the goal to become super confident in yourself, your expertise, and your perspective. Don’t focus on wondering where you are going to find clients or followers. Instead, focus on connecting to others. Focus on just “talking to” or addressing people like you that would be interested in your unique perspective, style, and experience. You only need to find those people. You don’t need to address and reach everyone.

Let’s just remember that competition is not natural. It’s manufactured in our own minds. We can either feed those thoughts and let them hold us back, or we can use that feeling to grow and lean further into how we have skills that others are looking for that they don’t have themselves.

That perspective shift frees your whole self, your mind, and your energy up to give more of yourself to the world. It helps you sink deeper and deeper into the vision you have for your life and to truly connect to the people you and you alone are meant to connect with.

And lastly, and most importantly remember: While you’re looking over at someone else’s life and business and comparing yourself, someone is looking at you, waiting for you to help them. They aren’t looking at that other person. They may not even know who that person is. Comparison and competition are robbing someone else of your energy, unique skills, and talents that they are looking for right now! They are waiting for you to show up!

Ok. sweet friends, that is what I have for you today! I hereby set you free to no longer feel in competition and instead to fully step into YOUR magic, talents, gifts, and knowledge and share it with the world!