Lost in the Hustle?: A Guide to Rediscovering Yourself in your life and business
Ever just wake up feeling lost? Feeling like you just keep giving and giving and giving and wind up feeling depleted? Ever wake up and think – “what about me?!”
Then this article and podcast episode is for you.
To be honest, this episode has been on my mind for weeks, but I just now recorded. The Universe had other plans. it just kept saying, “wait”. I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t ready to record it, but now I get it. I feel like the Universe had its own idea about what this episode was supposed to be, and I had to go on my own little journey around this topic. So, here we are.
This whole topic came to me a few months ago after I decided to try online dating. I hadn’t dated in years. Yep, YEARS!
I was happily on my own, building my business and just enjoying my life. But then my dog, Chocolate, passed away. As time started to heal me, I felt like it was time for a new chapter—one that included a loving, romantic relationship. So, one night, I just ripped off the Band-Aid and set up an online profile.
I started chatting with guys and going on some dates. Then I met this guy I really liked. We talked for hours—three, four hours at a time—and I really thought we hit it off. But after we met, his communication started to dwindle, and then, ta-da!
He ghosted me.
I was so stunned. What the heck just happened?! I felt so anxious when I wasn’t hearing from him as much and then when I didn’t hear from him at all.
I started diving into attachment styles and realized his was avoidant, and mine is “disorganized avoidant”. I was like, “yep, that’s probably about right.” That sounds wonky enough to be what I am”.
As heartbroken as I was, I had this huge realization: I had lost myself.
I was so excited about the possibility of this guy that I put everything important to me on pause. I felt like I was compromising what I really wanted and morphing my vision to accommodate his life and circumstances. In reality, he was NOT aligned to what I wanted for my life. And, I was compromising that commitment to myself by even considering he could be a good match.
This led me to go on a little adventure of exploring how this pattern wove its way into other areas of my life.
It happened in a five-year relationship years ago, where a friend told me on the phone one day that I no longer did the things I loved, like yoga. I hadn’t even noticed it. I saw it in my non-profit career, too. I worked non-stop without boundaries and gave so much that I was depleting myself. I abandoned everything that brought me joy.
And, it happened in my business, too FOR YEARS!
I was putting in so much effort, getting lost in the dream of “next level of success”. The more I gave to my business, the more I was missing out on life. When Chocolate passed away and I took a break, I realized, “Wow, I missed so much of Chocolate’s life working or hustling”. I looked up and was like, “Whoa, what is my life now? Who am I?”.
Then, a few days ago, this incredible thing happened. I picked up a massage client from the relaxation lounge, and we were just chatting. I told her that we all need to get back to ourselves and refuel. This woman, who I had never met before, turned to me with the straightest face and said, “well, how do you get back to yourself? Are you giving to you? Are you refueling yourself? …What are you doing for you?”. I was like, “Damn, am I that obvious?”. I turned to her and literally said, “nothing. I am horrible at giving to me. It is the last thing I do”.
That moment hit me!
I keep losing myself in my external commitments, my to do lists, my productivity.
It turns out I’m not the only one. I think about my friends with kids who sacrificed themselves and got lost in their marriages and children. They were always giving and caring, but it was never about them. One of my first clients told me she decided to get a coach after she woke up one day and thought, “What about me? It’s my turn”.
The Signs You're Losing Yourself
If you’re still here, I bet some of this resonates with you. And that’s okay! It happens to us because we’re human. We’re expected to be so many things at once that it’s easy to forget about ourselves and not even realize we’re disconnected.
When we pour our hearts and souls into something we’re passionate about, like a relationship, a business, or a family, we can lose pieces of ourselves along the way.
Think of it like a glass of water that’s full, but you keep pouring it out into other people’s cups until you become empty.
So, here are some signs that you might be losing yourself:
- Resentment: You feel resentful about all the things taking up your time. You think, “I’ve got to do this, so I don’t get to do that”.
- Exhaustion: You feel so exhausted that you have no energy left for the things you love.
- Loss of Joy: You lose joy for the simple things.
- Putting Yourself Last: You put aside the things you want to do until you have “more time and energy”.
- Emotional Warning Signs: You feel cranky and “off”. Your emotions are a warning sign, telling you that something is off and you’re missing a reconnection to yourself. You’re giving too much to the external world and not enough to your internal world.
The "Human Doing" vs. "Human Being" Epidemic
There’s this epidemic of losing ourselves, and it impacts women and female entrepreneurs so much because we are givers. We are heart and soul, and we want to create things, but that creation is usually attached to a goal or a vision of success.
I recently realized that most of the things I do for “me” have an outcome. Dating was for the outcome of a relationship. Working out and doing Pilates, which I love, is still tied to weight loss for me. Even going to coffee shops is about getting work done. It feels like there’s an outcome attached to everything!
This is so common in business, too. Tell me if this sounds familiar:
- You chase clients, even the ones that don’t really value you.
- You’re a heart-and-soul entrepreneur who over-delivers without proper compensation.
- You put your own vision for your business aside to align with other people’s expectations or what you think will bring you success.
I did this for seven years in my business, and then I woke up one day and was like, “I don’t want this. This isn’t what I was originally creating”. It’s so easy to get lost in the grind that you forget to look up and see if your business is even YOU anymore. Is it giving back to you? Is it refueling you?.
I always think of the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. She would just morph into whatever her fiancé was looking for, even down to the kind of eggs she liked. I totally did this in my five-year relationship. I liked the foods he liked, I stopped doing yoga, and my main focus was seeing him and planning our future. After we broke up, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I had to go on a “self-discovery tour,” going to spas, ice skating, and the movies by myself, just looking for me. I even moved away so that I could separate myself and create my own identity away from things that reminded me of my life with him.
After Chocolate passed away and I put my business on pause, I realized I had missed so much of his life from hustling. I was living my life to show up on social media. Everything I did was tied to my business. I was sacrificing my personal time, my relationships, and my health to market and chase the next client. I deeply tied my self-worth to my business success. I even told myself I couldn’t date until my business was a huge success because I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like a failure.
I forgot that our businesses are a tool to create our ideal life, not BE our entire life. Our relationships are meant to be a part of our life, NOT our whole identity. We are meant to be fueled by joy, NOT hustle. We are human beings, NOT human doings.
Last night, I had this amazing opportunity to get a hotel room in downtown Austin, which I absolutely love. I get giddy driving towards the city, and my head literally says, “You belong here. This is home”. But it was so hard for me to just enjoy it without a deadline or an outcome. I wound up taking work calls for hours and checking my phone constantly.
But in the moments I practiced just living, I felt a deeper connection to myself. I loved being there, eating sourdough ice cream, and walking the trail around the lake this morning. I didn’t even have my earbuds in; I just walked. There was no destination, no outcome—just the moment.
I realized that my life was off. The pieces were there, but I was the missing piece in the picture.
Tips for Reconnecting with Yourself
It’s time to reconnect, refuel, and give back to ourselves. We are always giving to others and connecting ourselves to an outcome.
So, here are some tips that I’m learning along the way:
- Date yourself. Seriously, I already booked another hotel stay downtown because it just gave me life. This time, I’m blocking my calendar—no work calls, no itinerary. You learn so much about yourself by being alone and exploring things on your own.
- Do things without an outcome in mind.
- Don’t jog to lose weight; jog because you love it.
- Don’t sit down to write for your business; write because you love to write.
- Go to the mall just to walk around, not to buy a dress for a wedding.
- Sit at the pool and read a book, go for a walk, or go bowling just because you love the way it feels.
- Prioritize living over producing. If you’re feeling stuck, think about what recharges you, not what the internet says is relaxing. It might take some self-discovery, and that’s totally fine.
- Sit in a restaurant by yourself with just a book or a journal.
- Go to a park with no phone, no headphones, no laptop.
- Go join a hiking group or take a class just to explore.
Your business is part of your blended life, but it can only be successful when you are connected to you and know what you want. Your business is there to support your lifestyle and give you freedom and joy. You need to know what that looks like and what you want it to allow you to do more of.
So, grab your journal and write down what you miss doing and what you wish you had more time for just for fun. Then, grab your calendar and make a plan. Schedule in that thing that brings you back to you and makes you feel alive again.
Remember, this is not just self-care; it’s about reconnecting with who you are.
Your growth and happiness will impact every area of your life—your business, your relationships, and your overall sense of freedom.
Time is going to go fast. So make sure you are living and not losing yourself in the external stuff. I hope this helps you rediscover and reclaim your beautiful soul. I’ll definitely share more about how I’m being more present and prioritizing me instead of productivity.
Articles you may find helpful:
Next Steps: Reclaim Your Momentum
If reading this resonated with you, if you’ve felt that pull of being lost in the hustle , or if you’re tired of pouring from an empty cup, I want you to know you don’t have to figure this out alone.
It’s time to reconnect with yourself and rediscover what truly fuels you. I invite you to book a free 30-minute Momentum Call with me. In this call, we’ll work together to help you get unstuck, gain clarity on what you truly want, boost your confidence and mindset, and create a clear direction and strategy for moving forward – one that ensures you’re living and being, not just doing.
Let’s uncover the missing piece in your picture and build a blended life that feels free, fulfilling, and fully aligned, for you.
